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Accepting that I had an eating disorder was the first step in healing. For a long time, I was in denial about having an eating disorder. Honestly deep down, I always knew, but the normalisation of disordered behaviours by diet culture allowed me to justify many of my thoughts and behaviours. However, there was always a part of me that would question; is it normal to feel overwhelmed by anxiety after eating a “bad” food or skipping a workout? Is it normal to think about food constantly, study menus and meticulously plan all of your meals?

One of the first steps in accepting that I had an eating disorder was being honest with myself and considering the intention behind my behaviours with food and exercise. Through this process, I learnt about diet culture and began to understand that just because a behaviour is normalised does not make it healthy.

It can be helpful to ask yourself; what scares you about accepting that you have an eating disorder? Are you worried about what others will think? Are you scared that you’ll be forced to change? Or do you think you won’t be able to change, so what’s the point? These are all valid concerns, but they are not valid reasons to not accept that you have an eating disorder.

We cannot predict or control what others will think or how they will react. I was terrified to tell my parents. I delayed it for a long time, they were the last people in my support network to find out, and to my surprise, they handled it really well. After hearing their response, I questioned why I had waited so long to tell them. Now of course, not everyone will respond how you want or need them to, but being ashamed of your behaviours will not go away because you keep them private. There will be people who don’t understand and others who, for whatever reason, aren’t able to support you, but the goal is to find those who can, and this might look like reaching out for professional support.

Does acceptance scare you because you think you’ll be forced to change? Ambivalence is a part of the recovery process, and talking about it can help you think about the pros and cons of recovering. Accepting that you have an eating disorder doesn’t mean that someone will or even can make you change, but hopefully with support, you will realise how much more life has to offer when you aren't stuck in an eating disorder.

Do you think you won’t be able to change, so what’s the point in accepting that you have an eating disorder? I experienced this thought, and now that I’ve been through the recovery process, I can tell you that being open and honest with yourself and your supports is a very different experience than trying to make changes on your own without acknowledging the depth of your problem. How do you know that you won't be able to change? I know others who have been where you are, and they've recovered, myself included. It is possible.

Everyone’s recovery journey is different; not everyone will gain weight, but often some weight gain is necessary. For me, weight gain was a necessary part of my recovery, and honestly when I was going through it, it was hard. People commonly say that your body recovers before your mind, and this is generally true, but it doesn’t do much to help in the moment.

I know that it might feel like you can’t tolerate your body changing. I felt the same way. The reality is that our bodies are supposed to change throughout our lives; as we age, go through puberty and menopause (if you’re a cis-woman), if we experience pregnancy, as we experience different physical and mental health issues, etc. So, we must do the work to detach how we look from how we value ourselves.

I’ve heard many people in the early stages of recovery say that they can only be happy in a smaller body. However, when I challenge this by asking them if they were happy when they were at their smallest, the answer is always no. Some may have liked their smaller body but liking your body is not synonymous with being happy. It’s important to ask yourself, what would you need to do to maintain a smaller body, and how would that impact on your quality of life? It’s hard to be happy when you’re completely preoccupied by food, following strict food rules, avoiding social situations because of the food involved or prioritising exercise over spending time with family and friends, etc.

Do you want more? Read my ‘body image’ blog.

There is no one size fits all approach to recovery. Recovery looks different for everyone. I recommend that you read my blog, ‘my top 5 recovery tips’, to help you on your recovery journey.

I know how scary this can be because I’ve been through it. But it is an essential part of the recovery process. I strongly encourage you to reach out to a dietitian specialising in eating disorders. A dietitian can create an individualised meal plan and provide creditable nutritional education and guidance. You might need to schedule an appointment with your GP to request an Eating Disorder Plan, which will entitle you to subsidised sessions with a dietitian. Increasing the quantity of “safe” foods can be a good starting point while waiting to engage with support.

As a Recovery Coach, I provide clients with meal and snack support to help them follow through with their meal plans. I also support clients in developing strategies to challenge their eating disorders and implement regular and adequate eating in their day-to-day life. If this is something you would like support with, reach out to me.

Regular and adequate eating is essential for recovering from an eating disorder. In addition to professional support, some things you can do to help yourself eat regularly and adequately in recovery include having food available and easily accessible. You can develop meal time mantras/healthy self statements, which you can recite before or during eating. For example, “this is what my body needs to recover” or “20 years from now, I won’t remember what I ate today, but I will remember a life trapped in an eating disorder”. You could ask a partner, family member or friend to eat a regular meal with you to enhance accountability and provide meal support. Make sure to communicate what you need during the meal, for example, light-hearted and distracting conversation. My last suggestion would be to develop a clear picture of your ‘why’ for wanting to recover, write it down, add to it regularly and read over it whenever you need a boost of motivation.

In the early stages of my recovery, I tried to set myself goals to challenge my ED self, such as incorporating new foods or increasing the quantity of my meals and snacks. But honestly, it was hard to do on my own, and I often didn’t follow through. What helped me was setting goals with my support team and sharing my goals with my partner. This increased accountability and also allowed me to discuss any barriers that arose.

Now, as a Recovery Coach, I collaboratively develop goals with my clients and support them in achieving their goals. My personal experience of recovery allows me to recognise the importance of having someone to encourage and support you in goal setting and having a safe and non-judgemental space to talk about the outcome.

That being said, if professional support isn’t accessible for you, recovery is still possible. Many helpful and free resources are available such as YouTube channels, Instagram accounts, Facebook groups and Podcasts (reach out, and I can send you my list of resource recommendations). As well as accessing these free resources, I strongly encourage you to choose at least one person you trust to be open and honest about what you are experiencing. If you don’t feel ready for this, it might help to start by reaching out via an ED support group on Facebook.

There isn’t a one-size-fits all approach to repairing your relationship with food, and that is a big part of why my work with clients is individualised to meet their specific needs. However, I would strongly encourage you to reach out for professional support; a GP to review your physical health, a recovery coach to provide practical, hands-on support, and a dietitian if you want an individualised meal plan. From my personal experience of recovering and supporting others in their recovery, some steps towards healing your relationship with food, may include:

Rejecting the diet mentality

There are many helpful and free resources available such as YouTube channels, Instagram accounts, Facebook groups and Podcasts that can support you in rejecting the diet mentality.

What to learn more about diet culture? Reach out, and I can send you my list of resource recommendations, or read my blog, ‘understanding diet culture’.

Practicing regular and adequate eating

When your body doesn’t get the energy it needs for an extended period, it responds in a way known as starvation syndrome. This refers to the physical, emotional, cognitive, and social changes experienced due to prolonged dietary restriction. You are susceptible to starvation syndrome regardless of your body weight, shape, or size. The effects of starvation syndrome are commonly observed in people who restrict their food intake (i.e., follow a calorie-controlled diet), eat irregularly or engage in compensatory behaviours. Many of you will be thinking something along the lines of, “But I eat plenty even when I’m on a diet”, or “I’m not thin, so this doesn’t apply to me”, or I only restrict after binging so, it balances out”. You are not alone in thinking this, but it doesn’t matter what size your body is, or if you think you’re eating enough because of some generic recommendation from an Instagram fitness influencer. Even if you are eating but not quite enough to meet your body’s energy needs or if you are swinging between dieting and binging, your body perceives this to be a famine. Regardless of your weight, you can put your body in crisis mode even when you're restricting “just a little". It likely feels scary to think that the cure for feeling obsessed and out of control around food could be to eat more because diet culture has made us terrified of food, calories and gaining weight.

Regular eating helps to provide structure to your eating patterns and to normalise eating. It keeps blood sugar levels stable, reducing tiredness, irritability, and poor concentration. Leaving more than 4 – 5 hours between eating (while awake) causes your body to enter starvation mode, whereby your metabolism slows to reduce energy expenditure. Regular eating also reduces the likelihood of overeating or binge eating.

Removing morality from food

So, what’s the problem with labelling foods as “good” and “bad”? I’m sure you’ve heard the diet culture rhetoric, “you are what you eat”. Have you heard someone say, “I’m being so bad or naughty or unhealthy today” after “caving” and eating a piece of cake at the staff morning tea? If we believe that we are what we eat, “then, when we inevitably do eat that ("bad") food, we feel like shit about it. But the reality is, food has no bearing on who you are as a person" says author and registered nutritionist, Laura Thompson. Now I’m not here to argue about the nutritional value of foods; yes, some foods have a higher nutritional content than others, but food is about so much more than the nutrients it provides. It’s about celebration, connection, relationships, fuel and enjoyment. Many would argue that having a healthy relationship with food is more important for your health than the food you eat. Christy Harrison explains, “obsessing over food and exercise and struggling with disordered eating or chronic dieting is not health-promoting. And it has a much larger and long-lasting negative impact on our health than any of the foods our culture has demonized”.

Identifying and challenging your food rules

I’d argue that most people have a unique combination of food rules they try to follow, although many people likely don't recognise them as rules. Food rules often accumulate from previous dieting attempts, popular diet trends, diet culture messages (such as, sugar is addictive… sigh) or rules they have observed family members and friends following. Food rules are inflexible and all-or-nothing in nature, either followed or broken. Food rules are problematic because when they are inevitably broken it is easy to believe that you have “failed”, which can cause feelings of guilt or shame and exacerbate low self-esteem. Additionally, after breaking a food rule, you may think, “I’ve blown it now, I may as well keep eating and start again tomorrow or Monday”, which can lead you to overeat or binge. When you let go of the food rules and destigmatise food, it takes away the irresistible pull toward “forbidden” foods. Challenging food rules will likely cause you some anxiety however, the more you challenge yourself the easier it will become until eventually your rules no longer have control over you.

It is important that you reach out to a GP who can monitor your physical health and provide you with an Eating Disorder Plan (EDP). An EDP will allow you to access professional support at a subsidised rate.

If you do not meet the full diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder, please do not delay getting support. As an Eating Disorder Recovery Coach, clients do not need to have an eating disorder diagnosis to access my support. I work with people all along the disordered eating spectrum and recognise the detrimental impact that disordered eating can have on someone life. You deserve help regardless of where you fall on the disordered eating spectrum.

I also encourage you to reach out to a family member or friend that you trust and, if you need, can support you with the process of reaching out for professional help.

I believe that full recovery is possible; you don’t have to live your life managing your symptoms or fearing relapse. In my experience, those who recover are often more resilient to diet culture's toxic messages.

If, right now, you don’t believe that full recovery is possible for you, that’s ok. It’s normal to feel unsure about recovery. Just know that many people have recovered and thought that recovery would not be possible for them. If you’re thinking, “but I’m different”, I can confidently say, based on my experience in the eating disorder space, that the majority of recovered individuals likely experienced that same thought.

It’s normal to feel unsure about recovery. We often fear the unknown, and your ED likely feels “safe”, but that doesn’t mean that your ED is healthy or going to make you happy. Some people in recovery find it helpful to know that they can go back to their ED, should they choose to do so. The locus of control is with the person in recovery, which can help reduce any fears that their ED, which likely feels like a part of their identity, will be ripped away. But that said, I have never heard of anyone who is fully recovered and would choose to go back to their ED.

As for managing your eating disorder, I recommend, at a minimum, finding a GP who can monitor and support your physical health. If it is accessible to you, engage with a mental health professional specialising in eating disorders that can provide individualised support. There are also many helpful and free resources available such as YouTube channels, Instagram accounts, Facebook groups and Podcasts (reach out, and I can send you my list of resource recommendations). I also strongly encourage you to choose at least one person you trust to be open and honest about what you are experiencing. If you don’t feel ready for this, it might help to start by reaching out via an ED support group on Facebook.

We live in a society consumed by diet culture. As a result, talking about and even bonding over dieting is not only acceptable, but normalised. It may seem innocent, but these conversations and diet culture’s pervasive messages are harmful. Intentionally pursuing weight loss reinforces weight stigma for everyone.

Diet culture sells us the dream that having the “perfect” body will bring happiness and the perfect life. This message is so deeply ingrained into our psyche that many of us don’t even recognise it as a belief we hold. It’s the dream of having the “perfect” body that limits our ability to be happy with ourselves in the present moment. But, news flash… body diversity exists. There are very few people who can achieve this “perfect” body, and for many who do achieve it, it’s through disordered means, which is not healthy or sustainable long term. Even if you can achieve the “perfect” body by counting calories or macros and working out 6-days a week, I don’t see how this leaves much room for the perfect life, do you? Giving up the pursuit of the "perfect" body doesn’t mean giving up on your dreams. Instead, it allows you the freedom to live the life you truly want.

What to learn more about diet culture? Read my blog, ‘understanding diet culture’.